Being a parent is a big part of who I am. My oldest even turned the word mom into a verb. “Mom, Stop momming all over it”. I must admit I love the job.
For anyone who is attempting to parent, they know it isn’t always easy to do even in the best of circumstances. For parents in a home with an intense and constant medical situation, parenting could be a little crazier.
I am sorry to give these parents a few things to consider. I say I am sorry because I know how overwhelming it can be to just try balancing life and how insane it gets when a medical situation is added into the mix. I hope that the things mentioned here give food for thought to hopefully support the parents and their kids better.
First; EXPECT FROM THE KIDS.
Expect them to do whatever they are supposed to do as full-fledged kids who are building themselves up to being full-fledged adults. For us that means our children were expected to go to school (though they were allowed to miss if they had stomach flu, fever, or the days their dad had brain surgery and the day of their grandfather’s funeral). As a mom, I showed them by example. So would my husband. We would go to work if at all possible to do so. That meant we would go tired and I would go sick (My husband is one of the healthiest people I know who happens to have a deadly condition). We would also go before and after doctor’s appointments, missing the least amount of work possible.
While in school, their job was to do their best in the circumstances they had to deal with. We encouraged them to find passions and build dreams that belonged to them.
As parents, our job was to give the children support when needed and challenges when needed. We did not settle.
Second: HAVE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO THEM
When living in a household with a serious medical issue, so much of everyone’s energy is spent on illness and fear. We need to consider giving children a break from that. As parents we also wish to give our children a chance to develop their talents.
If at all possible children could use an activity in which the family puts a positive focus on them. It is lovely to give opportunity to extended family to be cheerleaders for the children.
Nothing says that the parent has to add this to an already more than full plate. A terrific aunt, uncle, grandparent or family friend could offer to accompany or drive the child to the special activity. It is a lovely way to support a whole family and a privileged position to be a child’s ear.
Carpooling could also be an option.
All in all a balance must be reached to meeting the child’s needs and the parents’ overwhelming reality.
Third: DON’T FEED THE PITY PARTY
Don’t pity the children or feed their sense of pity. This is their life. Do your best to help them live it and grow into who they could be despite the challenges.
Trying to fill their life with stuff to make them happy will not teach them to savour the things that feed their soul and the moments that truly count. What it does do is put an extra financial hardship on the family. Don’t forget there are usually extra costs that creep up when someone is hospitalised no matter how careful you are.
Fourth: PLAY
Teach the children to play. Even better, take time to play with the children. It is a beautiful lesson about savouring what you do have and a great way to feed everyone’s soul.
So it boils down to:
- DON’T try to shower them with gifts because you feel sorry for them
- DON’T let them get away with stuff. You are not doing them any favors
- DON’T feed into their pity party
- DO give them love
- DO support them to the best of your abilities
- DO savour with them what you have
- Do give them a soft place to land at the end of the day
Please, do your best at keeping them on your radar even when it is full of beeps. They deserve to know they have someone in their corner.
I wish the same for the parents…
Please join us next time with souvenirs for the kids” in a few days.
I would love to hear from you if you wish to leave a comment or start a conversation.
Feel free to share this entry or the blog in hopes it lands on someone’s desk who may be feeling alone on their own crazy ride through a medical situation.