The cost of talking

I understand the importance of connecting with people and sharing. Obviously. I starting sharing lessons I learned through unusual medical rides in this blog in hopes it would help someone feel less alone facing whatever challenges are on their path. (Feel free to share to help someone who might feel alone in their own ride)

I also know sometimes sharing can have some costs.

First, lets look at what may affect sharing:

Sometimes, you don’t quite understand what is happening yourself, especially if your situation is unusual to you. In these situations you wouldn’t even know what to share.

Sometimes, in finding the words, it somehow makes the adventure more real.

Once you know what to share, you then might worry for the person are sharing with. You obviously hold punches if you are sharing at work or with your children, especially if they are young. With others, like a close friend or a sibling, your language may be much more colorful to say the least.

I have always known people who cared for us were affected by what was happening. Because of this, I usually just shared the big picture. Our daily struggles remained our own little secret for years.

costs

The first obvious cost is the loss of privacy. It is not a small thing to lose.
For myself, I could choose to lose a certain amount of my own privacy but my life is directly connected to others. I have always worried in infringing on their right to privacy. When sharing, I find myself doing a lot of censoring…

There is also the level of energy needed to explain the situation. It has happened where I had to comfort someone else about a situation happening to us. To them it was new. We had had the time to digest the information.

You are the only one who can decide when, what and with whom you choose to share. Just because someone asks or sometimes demands to know what is happening in your life, you don’t need to answer.

You are allowed to say thank you for your concern and I am not up for it right now. (You are also allowed to say it if someone wants to visit.)

results of sharing

Things can happen when you explain things to others.

  • they may not understand,
  • They may be overwelmed,
  • they may try to tell you what to do,
  • they may berate you with questions,
  • they may belittle what you are going through,
  • they may try to compete,
  • they may use the information against you,
  • and, even worse, they may not even care.

thoughts about pitfalls

If you need to share, try to make sure you are sharing enough information; not too much…

Don’t fall into the competition of who has it worse. It is energy you probably do not have.

There is the danger of reliving the situation when you voice it. Don’t be surprised if it overwhelms you. I found I would lose my composure only with certain people. I guess I felt safe with them and they were outside the circle affected by our situation.

How you think you may be viewed or identified can stop you from sharing. For example, I don’t want to be viewed as Nicole, the wife of that guy who had six brain surgeries. The problem is being the wife of that guy is part of who I am too. I am also a teacher. Teachers guide others ……

I hope for you, if this is part of your reality, that you have a safe place to vent. May you find support when sharing your story and, in so doing, you may just be supporting others…