What a strange concept.
When I think of permission there is the sense of asking someone in authority. It comes from some outside entity.
At least it does when you are a kid.
I know it did when I was a kid.
What I didn’t realise until very recently is how that sense of permission lingers, pearmeates my adult decisions. Actually it is much more inconspicuous than that.
It isn’t that I seek permission to make any of my decisions. I may seek opinions though, especially from my spouse, my partner.
The thing is is what we permit ourselves… what we believe we deserve…
I am now on sick leave, not because of our crazy medical ride but because of a bad situation at work that I did not know to stop.
It was unusual consistent and widespread though all coming from one source. Though I sensed it was not quie right, I was sure it would stop through my usual steps. I am after all a fairly experienced teacher. It did not. It got worse. For every bit of headway gained, more pressure was put. Then came the fatefull day. I was speaking to one of my students’ outside professionsals. Her sign-off consisted on giving me permission to let go of all the demands and pressures the parents were putting on me and to simply do my job because I was doing a good one. She wished me a happy new year.
Permission.
From an outside entity.
To let go what was not mine to carry.
It made the floodgates open.
Though it was almost two months ago, the word itself can still make me cry.
The thing with being “used to” stress or unusual pressure is it feels normal. Pushing yourself at the bottom of the priorities list does as well. These are very hard lessons to unlearn.
Sadly your direct entourage gets used to it too and just expects it from you. I’ve actually already been told by someone in my inner circle “it’s alright when it happens to you because you are used to it”. I am obviously paraphrasing here but you get the jist.
Though this new ride I find myself on is not an easy one, I am so grateful for the words of this person I have never met. The permission given is letting me take care of myself and know the pain was not normal. It may also give me time deal with things I may not have dealt with in the past.
If you need permission from an outside entity to let you know it is alright to say enough is enough and no.
I am giving it to you.
If you need to hear, you have as many rights as the the next guy and right to name your needs and to take the space.
Let me tell you. You have as many rights as the next guy. Your needs count too. You have the right and to take up your own space.
If you are living intense moments and feel you are not allowed to be scared, exhausted or frustrated .
You are.
What I wish most for you is to know, help is out there if you need it. I wish for it to be found easily. Don’t forget to speak up.
I hope in sharing someone else may see themselves in my story. You are welcome to leave me a comment and to share in hopes that someone else may feel less alone.