As I was doing a back and forth on Facebook concerning my last blog entry , I got a flash that I will share here with you today.
Years ago, I read a story I believe was in a Reader’s Digest. I must admit I am a sucker for the life stories I would find there.
This particular story was about a teacher. (I wonder why that stayed with me?)
The teacher was one who tutored hospitalized children. She had a new charge. She figured she had all she needed to help the child as she looked for his room. She was surprised to find her student in the burn unit. In meeting the severely burnt child, she was so taken aback by his condition, she went into severe teacher mode. She expected, she demanded, she taught.
When she left, she felt horrible. She felt she was a monster. She didn’t know how she could go back, but back she went.
As she approached the nurses’ station the next day, she was trying to compose herself. A nurse rushed over to her and demanded to know what she had done to the boy.
The teacher was flustered. She was trying to find words to defend herself but how can she defend the indefensible?
As the teacher searched for her words, the nurse insisted following with “he is willing to live now.”
You see, the child was convinced by the adults’ reactions and pity that his days were numbered. In his view, there was no point in doing anything. He had given up.
Then the teacher came.
Later, they asked the child what had happened. He simply stated he figured out he probably was not dying after all with the way the teacher had treated him.
I am not suggesting to be vile to people who are sick, hurt, scared or down on their luck. I am suggesting that in having reasonable expectations, they might start having some for themselves.
I have seen it over the years at school. I must admit, I have been disappointed by some parents who have stated, in front of their child, there was nothing to do, the kid was worthless or the kid wouldn’t understand what was being said about him anyway. Believe you me, if the surroundings believe that of a child, the child does not have a good chance of beating the odds of the groundwork laid before him or her.
You don’t even have to go so far. Just think of the sad story you heard about a young person or a member of the child’s family. Do you react differently towards the youngster? Do you drop expectations? Do you cater to him or her? Do you accept bad behaviour?
I used to inform the school when my husband spent time in an ICU (not as a member of the staff but as a patient) or when he had brain surgeries. My kids asked me not to tell the school anymore because they couldn’t handle the inquiries from the well-meaning staff. Being an unfit parent, I would still inform teachers but stated to not address the situation with my kids. I needed them to be my eyes and ears at school in case I needed to find support for these young people trying to deal with a crazy homelife. I also needed them to feel as normal as my offspring could during school hours since that was the only place they could be like everyone else.
Be an ear. Give hugs. Inform your young person. Have expectations. Give them the permission to have their own dreams and wishes.
You are their guide and they are yours.
It’s true this time; till the weekend when I will broach the subject of adulting in What About Me?
As always, you are welcome to share this or any blog entry if you know someone it might help. I would love to hear from you if you have a story or a subject you would like for me to broach.
Until next time.