aspects that support resiliency

In my last foray as a student at l’Université de Montréal just a few years ago now (2009-2012) I got to take a few classes that particularly spoke to me. One touched briefly what needs to be in place for one to be happy. A second dealt with breaking down a problem to identify the elements that are concerning. Another spoke of using play in learning (part of the other me). The one I will refer to more-so here was on resiliency.

These courses were particularly beneficial to me as we were finishing my husband’s crazy medical ride.

 RESILIENCY

I was lucky to be able to take a class about resilience as pertaining to the teaching profession at the same time as we were having an interesting personal ride. I will be looking at the different aspects brought forth in the studies of resiliency for teachers and will connect it to life, since in all honesty and don’t tell the professor, I was paying attention to it on both the professional and personal level.

Now 3 years after taking that class, this is what I remember of the aspects that resilient people tend to have. The aspects described here go beyond the person’s natural ability to deal with difficult moments.

SOCIAL SUPPORT:

This is almost so obvious it may seem silly to mention. What might be forgotten is the importance of the type of social support one may have.

Though family and friends are important, You can’t expect them to not be affected by what you are going through and they may not have what it takes to be supportive. Some may be free with their opinions and put demands and impose their expectations on you feeling it is their right.

Mentors: Those who have been through it before you are, at the very least, an inspiration at seeing someone surviving the ride. On the other end of the spectrum, they can be a guide who can help you navigate the treacherous waters you find yourself upon. My first angel was such a person.

People from your tribe: These are the people that have been through what you have. They are your people. They know. You don’t have to speak to them; they simply know. They are your Mr. B.s. Their presence is that quiet support that surprises.

There may be groups that you could be part of to find your tribe. I am not convinced I would have found the time to add a group meeting to my overly full schedule.

I was lucky that my tribe is where I work. I am even luckier that he is my friend.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Sleep. Eat as well as you can. Don’t self medicate which includes drinking. Again so basic but sometimes easier said than done. In trying times, we tend to cut corners and look for convenience which isn’t always the healthiest choice to make. In moments of stress we might also use food in searching for comfort.

DON’T ACCEPT THE STATUS-QUO: Resilient people tend to not automatically accept something that does not feel right. They will look beyond to see if there are other options opened. This becomes important when dealing with medical situations and therapies.

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX: Our biggest saving grace is that we did not only turn to the typical professionals. We would look to other professions to see what we could use and adjust to my husband’s needs. In so doing we were able to mix and match strategies and activities to better answer his needs in re-learning to speak.

KNOWING WHEN TO LET GO: The resilient person recognises when they have done all they can on the subject. When they do, they move on.

All in all it is the serenity prayer.

TAKING TIME TO REFUEL: It is important to do something for yourself and not feel guilty about it. It could be as simple as taking the time to brew a cup of tea, listening to music, doing a Sudoku, reading something you enjoy or taking a long shower especially when the hot water hits the right spot on your head or neck. It could be something more time consuming like an evening out or a weekend away. In all honesty we could even enjoy some of these suggestions at the hospital. My personal favourite by far is a hug from my man.

So to recap the elements that affect a person’s resiliency are

• a social circle who understands and could discuss the effects of the situation
• take care of yourself
• not blindly accept the status-quo just because it is the status quo. Ask questions or go beyond the surface to see if it is truly sound
• look for answers in unexpected or atypical places
• realise when enough is enough and move on
• find your own refuel. What gives you renewed energy?

Take the time to build up the aspects in your life that promote resilience and I wish for you not to really need them.

Join me next time for SHARING CAN BE DIFFICULT

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