In past blogs, I have talked about having special energizing moments for my children and for myself to help foster resiliency. It became particularly important when facing my husband’s crazy medical ride.
If the medical situation called for building resiliency in us, the same must be true for the patient.
Though I have known a few patients, through the years, I will describe the patient that helped me understand what little I understand about living despite illness.
The patient:
- is my age.
- has green eyes that I enjoy looking into.
- is a father, a brother, a son, an uncle, a nephew and a friend.
- loves nature.
- wants to share beauty that is not always easily seen with the naked eye.
- is intelligent.
- has good taste. After all he chose me.
So you may have guessed, the patient is my husband.
I bet you thought I would describe what makes him a patient, with, hopefully some gory details. I choose not to because that is not who he is to me.
That does not mean I do not recognise his condition. It simply means that his condition is not where my focus lies. I see the man. This is good because I find he is not hard on the eyes.
So when keeping his needs in mind, I considered for him the same as I did for all the members of the family. Like for the children, I wanted for him to have an activity that belonged only to him. He would probably benefit from activities that could distract him from the worry his medical situation would cause.
The thing is, the patient does have a unique situation. Depending on the illness or condition, the patient may not have any respite from his medical situation.
NO BREAK
As the wife, I was distracted from the family medical ride by my job and my parental duties. The children were distracted by school, friends and activities. Extended family and friends would not have daily reminders of my husband’s condition and were not privy to every aspect or episode. It may have been more in the forefront for them when we were in emergency or surgery mode.
My husband did not have as easy a time to get away from his condition. He had daily reminders that leaked into every aspect of his life.
As I did for the children, I pushed him into finding an activity that would occupy some of his energies and his thoughts as he was waiting for his fourth brain surgery. The activity of choice was directly connected to one of his passions. He did attend that activity after work a few times but had to stop when he went in for his surgery and has not gone back to that particular group.
What kind of passion would a guy like mine have, you may wonder.Other than the passion for me, my husband has passion for his family and nature. His last passion brought about a passion for photography and that is the direction I pushed him in.
In a sense the passion for photography did give him respite from what ailed him. It gave him a chance to feel capable and knowledgeable. It gave him a time in the week to talk and think about something besides waiting for a brain surgery that was supposed to cause substantial damage but would hopefully keep him alive.
The fourth brain surgery did not cause the expected damage but the last one did. He was in a position of having to relearn to speak among other things. It was following that surgery that I learned that his passion for nature photography and macrophotography was also a large part of his identity.
SENSE OF IDENTITY or SENSE OF SELF:
It may be surprising on what gives us our sense of identity. It becomes quite clear when facing a loss. With that in mind, it is not a stretch to think that a health scare can affect someone’s sense of identity.
I learned what my husband’s true sense of identity was after his last brain surgery. He was being interviewed by a speech pathologist when he identified himself as a photographer. Though not his job at the time, it had been a passion of his for many years.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
When someone might understandably have an existential crisis due to a medical condition please remember the patient will be influenced by how you view him and treat him.
Please
- focus on what he or she still has
- focus on his abilities
- celebrate his talents
- recognise that he or she may need time to mourn
- have reasonable expectations of him or her
- try to focus on the present
To the patient, others’ expectations and views will affect how he may see himself. You may guess how I perceive my husband. I am lucky that I get to see the man. I recognise what he still has after the last surgery. I also see what he is building and what he is capable of.
In relearning to do so many things after his last surgery, my husband was blessed to rediscovered an old passion once again.
Similaire de la photo qui a été retenue comme photo du jour pour Nature.org
The passion that he had as a young man found its way back into his present and is helping build a dream of his future.
Feel free to drop me a line and to share the blog in hopes that it lands on the screen of someone starting their own medical ride.
Join me next week to continue on aspects of resiliency and the patient.