Thank you to my lovely friend who shared a treasure trove. I wish to share the blessing by passing on the article that touches upon what changes for someone living with a chronic medical condition as well as how it touches the spouse (Click here to read the article).
The article was written by Toni Bernhard, a law professor who happens to have a chronic medical problem. She speaks of what she misses since her condition changed her life. I am touched and appreciate her recognition of how her condition has changed her husband’s life as well and how he is treated socially because of her new reality.
I love the sense of the partnership that her short text gave me. I think of my relationship with my husband in the same way; as a partnership.
Maybe it is important to understand how one defines partnership.
For some, a partnership is to minutely measure what each one does to make sure it is equal down the line. Another way to look at the partnership is the expectations of having your partner always offer you exactly what was offered at the beginning of the relationship even when it is no longer possible for the person to do so. This type of partnership can lead to reproach if one believes the other does not measure up.
For me, a partnership is where both people are willing to invest themselves reasonably and equally into the relationship. That does not mean that things like finances or chores are always equal. It means that both are equally vested in the situation. This also means that both need to be willing to adjust to the other’s new needs or reality; like a more demanding job, the loss of a job, children, family needs, an injury or a new medical situation.
Ideally, both give the other the time to adjust to the new reality as they respect the beauty of each other.
As the person with the condition, it could be difficult to learn to accept the help of others including that of your own spouse. Such a situation can drastically hurt someone’s sense of identity. The same is true for the spouse.
With love, respect and the wish on both parties to find a new balance, things can be quite lovely, at least that has been our experience.
Both need to see each other’s needs, abilities and beauty.
All in all, accept, do and treat your mate the way you wish to be treated if the tables were turned.
Thank you Toni Bernhard for sharing your thoughts and thank you Magda for sharing her with me.
Join the sharing with your own thoughts and stories and feel free to share the blog in hopes that it land on the desk of someone who may be starting their own ride.