I scream from the rooftops that I need balance!
I find myself in the midst of an existential crisis. You see, since I am a teacher I have the luxury of two months vacation every summer. I am now right in the middle of it and I look to see what my summer has to show for it.
All I see is work; actually long days of work.
How can that be?
Our schedule has not been as relaxed as this as far back as I can remember. No one has a formal schedule: no official job, or classes or therapies or structured activities of any kind. Our son being able to drive even has me not doing all the errands. Why do I feel at the end of the first four weeks that work was all I can show for it?
This may be the time to take a step back to investigate what causes me to feel that way. After all if I could figure it out I still have time to react to salvage this summer and maybe the year.
Now my list of projects is reducing because we were able to knock them off, I started contemplating my situation.
I started with what summer means to me. What feels like summer to me is to swim, take walks, bike, go for a canoe ride and just get away. When I am feeling particularly crazy, I even read a book. What stopped me from doing any of this to date?
Me! Because I am an idiot. We did work on home projects but that isn’t enough for me to feel the way I do. I finally realised I have fallen under the spell of the screen; the computer screen, the smart phone screen and the TV screen. I have lost what summer feels like.
It might not have helped to feel like I still had summer when I saw this:
Walking through stores in July, we are bombarded with school supplies, Halloween costumes, winter clothes and Christmas trees. It is not surprising that it could become difficult to live in the moment.
It is up to me. I need to learn to take a step back. I need to not look at the winter clothes in the stores. I need to look past the screens. There is great beauty even in my yard or at the community park. I have to remind myself to get outside to savour that beauty.
It is true that I do have tasks or projects I need to work on before school starts. It is the reality of many who use their vacation time to finally get things done. I forget that there is still room for a bike ride, or a swim. I know I will eat sometime in the day, why not do it outside? Because I forgot how.
It is up to me. I need to remember to turn off the screens and go outside.
It brings me to wonder, how much do I put on myself?
How about you?
I would love to hear from you to see if I am alone in this.