I am thinking of family as of late. That is what happens when I have a minute. I think and my family is pretty cute so to think of them comes easily to me.
On this particular morning, I was thinking about loving them enough… I am not talking about loving them because that is a given. I am talking about loving them enough to sometimes do hard things.
This is not the first time I think this way for my children. A few years ago, I even made a frame to put in the hallway. It was simply a montage of pictures of our kids over the years. Amongst the pictures, I added bits of paper, with a text I wrote them. They state:
To my children, I hope I love you enough…
to see you for who you are
without pressuring you into who I think you should be
to recognise the beauty of your dreams
without using a measuring stick
to savour your accomplishments for what they represent to you
without comparing it to others
to trust you will be able to handle whatever comes your way
without second guessing your decisions
to let you know you are not just enough
but more than I could have imagined.
Not always easy.
Even more difficult is to love them enough when things are hard.
To love them enough
- to put limits
- to have expectations
- To adjust expectations to the person’s ability at the moment
- to understand when it is too much
- to give them a soft place to land
- and even to put boundaries.
The funny thing is,in this blog entry I am not only writing about my children.
I am actually writing about all members of my family, no matter the generation or the level of health and well-being. They deserve to be loved enough too… to meet them where they are today.
Sometimes there are moments where our expectations need to change or be left temporarily by the wayside. It sounds so easy but it really isn’t.
- When does the temporary situation outstay its welcome and become a habit?
- When does backing off on expectations become a dropping of expectations?
- When does it turn into enabling someone or feeding his inaction?
I wish I knew the answer. I obviously do not. I am not alone to not know. Who does?
Sometimes there are permanent losses where we need to love them enough to see and celebrate what they still have to offer, simply because they are who they are…
and that is enough.