We love the outdoors. Having trees and plants with everything they attract has always fed both my soul and my husband’s soul. When we have the chance we immerse ourselves in it. Sadly since we both held full time jobs with conflicting schedules we were left little time to savour the outdoors except during our yearly vacation, for a week or two. Our natural inclination was to go camping, an activity we have done despite J-M’s medical situation.
On one such trek many years ago, we were on the east coast. I had gone to the campground washroom. As I was waiting for my turn, a woman rushed in with young kids and a look of the overwhelmed. I know that look. My turn came and I offered it to her. She jumped on the chance and rushed into the stall with her children.
After everyone had relieved themselves, we met at the bathroom sink.
She thanked me.
I said there was no problem
I started up a conversation with the usual campground subjects:
- Have you been here before?
- Will you be staying long?
- Are you staying in a tent or trailer?
- Did you drive far?
She shared that they had just arrived and her husband was setting up their trailer. She also said that she hated driving with a trailer. I asked her if that was the case, why didn’t her husband drive?
She looked at me and hesitated: “Because he had surgery” she eventually responded.
My red flag went up.
“What kind?” I asked.
Sizing me up, she responded hesitantly: “Brain surgery”
“Really what part?
“Temporal lobe”
“Which side”
With a confused look, she answered: “Left.” Me, grinning; “My husband too.”
Her face was priceless. She asked me if I could go with her to her site. I could and I did.
As we stepped up to her site she called out to her husband. “She knows. She understands. Her husband had brain surgery too.”
Two things could come out of that simple statement. The first is that we find great solace when we are with our own kind; the people who have been through what we have and who seem to have come out the other side. (It will be developed more in the upcoming Blog entry “Woe is me” to be released before December)
The second is that the patient and their significant other do not live the same experience and may not understand the other’s point of view. In all honesty, each have an incredible and different journey. The obvious support will go to the patient and hopefully this will include the spouses support. The demands from everyone tend to land on the spouse (a subject that will be discussed down the road).
I did not really understand that until my husband’s fourth brain surgery. In reality, when everything is hitting the fan, it is quite difficult to take a step back and contemplate life. With as much practice as we have had at ambulance chases and brain surgeries, I started to have a chance to think about the different layers that come with our crazy ride.
Please join us next time with “Celebrating normalcy” just around the corner
I would love to hear from you if you wish to leave a comment or start a conversation.
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